A Salsa Dance Guide for Women

What men look for when inviting women to dance,
19 easy ways to attract more men to dance with you.

davewestonAt dances, men gravitate to women who are easily approachable. A woman doesn’t have to be the best dancer, or the best looking, or the youngest and prettiest. Any woman can attract more invitations to dance merely by making herself more approachable. Here are 19 easy ways to do that.

I’m a man who dances often. Many of my regular dance partners tell me they want to dance more, but men don’t ask them enough. I know these women are good dancers and attractive to men. So I’ve started talking with them about how men select women at dances. Here you will find the best of the techniques I have discovered.

A few weeks ago I attended a large dance of about 300 people. One women started the familiar lament about not getting enough dance invitations. So I briefly explained just three of the 19 techniques below. She didn’t believe they would work. I told her, “Go try it. I’ll sit here and time you.”

She did. I timed her on my watch: 22 seconds later a handsome man asked her to dance.

When the song ended, she rushed over to me, almost breathless with excitement, saying she’d wanted to dance with that particular man, but was too shy to ask him.

Your mileage will vary – I make no guarantees of 22 seconds every time. But from experience with many of my dance partners, I know that these methods are certain to attract more dance invitations for any woman.

I’ll start with how to dress for the dance. Your purpose is to be more attractive to men who dance, not just men in general. There’s a huge difference: If you want just any male attention, simply wear something that displays your belly button or your cleavage or your legs – and you won’t need to read any more of this. On the other hand, if you want men to invite you to dance, then you need to know what men who dance are looking for. Here are my four recommendations for what you should wear:

#1: Wear a single layer top.

Two layers of clothing slip and slide under a man’s hand on your back. That makes it difficult to lead you. A man with dance training will know this consciously. Other men won’t be able to say so, but they’ll have a ‘gut feel’ about it. So do not wear a vest or jacket or an over-blouse. You will carry a sweater, because dance rooms are usually very cool, but you won’t wear that while you dance.

#2: Avoid bare shoulders or back.

Yes, bare skin attracts attention from men. But after you’ve danced a little while, bare skin can feel damp and clammy to the man. Men who enjoy dancing prefer the feel of silk, rayon or cotton. Sleeveless is fine – and cool for you – but avoid dresses with open shoulders or back. (Unless at a very formal dance – where your purpose is to be seen more than to dance.)

#3: Keep jewelry to a minimum.

Long necklaces and big bracelets catch in clothing. Dangling earrings are distracting. Large rings can scratch a man’s hand. Men are aware of this. Wearing loads of jewelry is like a sign saying, “Stay Away.” So keep all your jewelry small and simple.

#4: Shoes are your most important accessory for attracting men who dance.

Men who dance will avoid women with the wrong shoes. Don’t wear sandals of any kind, or any rubber-sole walking shoes. Don’t wear ultra-high heels that have you teetering instead of dancing. Suitable shoes for dancing are flats, pumps or medium heels. They can be fancy – sparkles are fine. Just be certain that shoes are secure on your feet – not lose or floppy.

Now you’re dressed for dancing and you’re on the way to the party. Even as you arrive, there are ways to immediately make yourself more approachable to men. Here are four easy things you can do.

#5: On your way in, say “Hi” to many men you pass.

That’s all, just “Hi” – as you walk in from the parking lot, as you stand in line to pay, as you walk to a table to put down your purse and sweater, as you get a drink from the bar, as you walk to the restroom and back. Just a “Hi”, with a smile, to many men. Even other men – to whom you didn’t say “Hi” – will notice you doing that. That’s often all it takes for you to appear easily approachable to men, and for you to get lots of invitations to dance.

If you just say “hi”, you will be highly unusual among women today – in a positive way. At public dances and parties the vast majority of women avoid looking directly at men. If you simply say, “Hi”, and smile, you set yourself apart as a woman who is friendly to men. That’s rare in today’s social climate.

#6: Circulate (walk slowly) around the edge of the dance area.

Men who want to dance will stand near the dance floor. Simply say “Hi” to some of them, smile, and keep walking and circulating. The men who don’t or won’t dance will stay far from the floor, sitting at the sides, or congregating around the bar. Don’t waste time circulating there.

#7: Discover the ‘traffic lanes’.

As you circulate, look for where most dancers walk onto the dance floor. When the music changes, look for congestion, a ‘traffic jam’ of people in one or two areas. When you are ready to dance, you will come back to this area. Usually these traffic areas are the two front corners of the dance floor, but not always. Sometimes near the lobby or entrance doors. Sometimes next to the bar. When the song changes, determine the location for these entrance/exit ‘lanes’. They won’t be marked in any way – you must watch the flow of people between songs.

#8. Stand apart from other women.

A woman standing alone is – by far – most comfortable for men to approach. The quickest way to get more offers to dance is simply stand alone. Yes, I know, it is politically incorrect to ignore your ‘sistahs’, but you must decide if you are there to socialize with other women, or to dance with men. Your choice. When two women stand together, men are reluctant to ask one of them to dance. If three or more women are standing together – very few men will approach. If a group of women is sitting down, then men conclude they prefer to be with other women, not to dance with men. Women sitting in groups get few invitations to dance. Men call groups of women “hen houses”. We avoid going into hen houses – unless we already know you or find you extremely appealing. So, circulate by yourself, go to the bar by yourself, go to the restroom by yourself – and you will easily make yourself more approachable than most other women at the dance.

So, now you’ve circulated and said “hi” to a variety of men. You’ve already made yourself easily approachable. I bet that by now you’ve already had more invitations to dance than most other women at the party.

Still, there is more you can do to make yourself highly approachable. If you love to dance, then I want you to have lots of invitations from lots of men! So, here are six additional ways get many more invitations to dance.

#9. Stand in the traffic lane area that you observed earlier.

As the music changes, go stand right in this area. People will have to walk around you to get on or off the dance floor. That is exactly what you want to happen. Of course, you are standing alone. Men will see you as a woman who is in exactly the right place for an invitation to dance.

Few women know about this traffic lane area. Fewer have courage to stand there as people are moving on and off the floor. But this is exactly where men who are dancing will be. Those are the desirable men for you: They are far more likely to invite you to dance than any of the guys leaning against the bar.

#10. Stand so your toes touch the edge of the dance floor.

At most dances, there is a proper wood dance floor, surrounded by a carpeted area with the tables and chairs. If so, stand on edge of the carpet, with your toes touching the side of the wood dance floor. Literally, have your toes touching the edge of the wood. Not one foot away, not six inches away – but toes touching wood. This sends a non-verbal message to men that you are available to dance right now. That makes you easily approachable. However, don’t stand on the wood floor. That signals you are waiting for a specific partner; that you reserved the next dance, and are waiting for him at that spot. So stay off the wood floor until you’ve actually been offered a dance.

#11. Hold your arms at waist level.

Keep your elbows bent so forearms are at your waistline – standard dancers’ ready position. Gives body language signal that you are ready to dance.

Do not hold a drink or anything else in your hands. Do not fold your arms. Do not let your arms hang down at your sides. Never cross your palms in front of your skirt. Just hold your arms at waist level with hands relaxed, perhaps fingertips touching

#12. Sway gently to the music.

Move your body slightly, but noticeably, to the feeling of the music. Not full dance movements, just enough to indicate you are ready to dance. Moving to the music is one of the easiest, non-verbal signals any woman can use to effortlessly attract more invitations to dance.

#13. Look only at the dancers out on the floor.

Look as if the dancers are the most wonderful sight you have ever seen. Let your eyes shine with delight and excitement – even if your stomach is in knots from feeling exposed and nervous. Look as if you love dancing and everything about it.

#14. Do not, DO NOT, look at any men while you standing ready to dance.

Looking around makes you appear overly eager and desperate. Men tend to avoid such women. Instead, simply look out at the dancers already on the floor.

At this time, do not say “hi” to any passing men. Just stand patiently, and continue looking out at the dancers. Don’t look around at the band, or at the decorations, or at your women friends at a table behind you. Just look out at the dancers and let your expression show you are enjoying what you see. This gives men a chance to look you over. And that will make it easier for men to approach you.

#15. If a man approaches from the side, don’t turn to look at him.

A man with dance training will approach in front of a woman so she can see him coming. But not all men know this, and at a crowded party it often isn’t possible. So expect some men to approach from the side. When that happens, DO NOT look at him. Turning to look sideways makes you appear desperate. Just keep looking ahead at the dancers on the floor. You want to give a man the chance to look you over. Only when he touches your arm or verbally asks, “Do you want to dance?”, only then look, smile, and nod or say “Sure”.

If you use even just a few of these 15 methods, you will attract more men to dance with you. In fact, you’ll probably attract so many men that your women friends may not be so friendly after that evening. You’re on your own to handle that situation.

What if you want to dance even more? Is it okay for a woman to ask men to dance? Yes, in these liberated times, that’s perfectly fine. Almost any man will be delighted and complimented by any woman who asks him to dance. Men have been doing the asking all our lives. When a woman takes the risk of asking us, she immediately gets our respect and admiration.

If you ask men to dance, I recommend four ways to make it easier and more relaxed for you to do that. But first, you know that men sometimes get turned down when they ask a woman to dance. Men are used to being turned down by women. But women are not so comfortable being turned down by men: big fear of rejection. It happens. You need to be prepared for this fact. So, if you want to do the asking, here’s how to make it much more relaxed and far less threatening for you:

#16. Never ask a man to dance.

That’s right – never say to a man, “Would you like to dance?” or “May I have this dance?” If you ask, it puts him on the spot to answer instantly. He may be surprised that a woman asks, and may stumble and get embarrassed. No woman wants to risk causing that at a dance party. Plus asking is difficult for the woman, because there is that chance of being rejected. So never ask a man to dance! Instead…

#17. Tell the man you want to dance with him.

Simply say, “I want to dance with you.” Just that, in exactly those words. Most women have a lot of experience telling men what they want. And men are used to hearing what women want. So when you tell a man what you want, both of you are in socially familiar territory.

Plus, in the right circumstances, many men enjoy providing for a “wanting woman”. So to make yourself more attractive to men, simply tell them what you want.

Then it is up to the man to take action. The man might walk you out onto the dance floor right then. Or he might say, “Sure, later”, and find you later on. Or he might say, “Maybe later”, and not find you later, or ever. If that happens, you won’t be terribly embarrassed and neither will he.

If you are still not getting enough invitations to dance, you can…

#18. Tell several men at the same time.

Do you want to instantly make yourself highly attractive to lots of men at any dance. It’s this easy: Walk up to any small group of men you find attractive and say, “I want to dance with you … and you … and you, too!” Then prepare yourself for lots of fun. And be sure you are wearing comfortable shoes because you are going to be dancing non-stop!

Now, what if you really, really, want to dance with one certain man. Okay, here’s the method to use that he won’t be able to resist…

#19. Add a touch to your words.

Always use exactly the words, “I want to dance with you.” Then – as you say that – touch the man you desire.

Your touch can be to place your hand gently on his arm, or use one finger tip to caress the top button of his shirt – as you look at him and smile and say, “I want to dance with you.” I guarantee you will get a lot attention from that man!

So, now you know 19 easy ways to attract more men to dance with you. I’ve observed that a woman who is dancing is a happy woman. I’m certain that these suggestions will increase your dancing happiness.

By Dave Weston
Los Altos, California

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