10 Tips for Men to Attract More Women to Dance with You

First of all, any list that has more than ten items is simply too long.  So here’s a simple list of ten ways men can attract more women to dance with them. The bottom line is that women who wish to dance are looking for a good overall dancer, a good lead, someone who is considerate and careful for their safety, as well as being well-groomed and appealing.

These ten tips detail how a man can best appeal to a woman dancer in these areas:

#1 Learn to dance.

Most women dancers prefer to dance with someone who is a good dancer.  You don’t need to have years of experience or know a million moves.  But know the dance (whether salsa or ballroom) well enough to lead your partner with confidence and clarity.  Most important is to have gotten the dance posture and leading techniques down, through lessons and coaching to the point where a woman will “read” that you are confidend and relaxed. I’ve danced with people who have been dancing for years and still have terrible dance position, weak leads or otherwise are tentative or insecure.
I’ve also danced with relatively new dancers who are solid and strong in leading a dance.  I prefer a novice who leads well, to someone with a lot of moves who has terrible techni que. Invest in an hour or two of private coaching and ask for feedback on your lead and posture.  Then work to develop your skills.

#2  Be a courteous dance partner.

Invite a woman to dance by extending your hand and asking if she would like to dance.  Escort her to the floor and throughout the dance focus on not only leading the dance, but connecting with your partner.  Dancing is not about a lot of fancy moves.  It is about connecting and moving to the music with your partner.  A good dancer who never looks at or “clues in to” the woman he is dancing with is not one whom a woman will be excited to dance with.  Even if your partner is not the best dancer, always be courteous.  After the dance ends, escort your partner back to where she was when you invited her, or to the edge of the dance floor. Never just walk away or leave your partner in the middle of the dance floor.
Say “thank you” after a dance, even if it was less than enjoyable.

#3  Protect your partner.

A leader’s job is to lead the dance and part of leading is preventing collisions or other situations which could injure his partner or himself.  Many salsa dancers ignore this role and spin or lead their partners into others, step on other dancers, or otherwise put themselves or others in a position of getting hurt.  A leader should stop dancing or do what it takes to make sure that the woman he is dancing with does not get injured on the floor.  No woman wants to dance with a man who ignores safety and creates situations which cause her injury or make her fear she will get hurt.

#4  Seek to regularly improve your dancing.

Once you have mastered the basics of leading and a few moves, work to increase your repertoire.  It gets boring to dance with someone whose moves are predictable and never change. This applies to seasoned as well as beginning leaders.  Some strong dancers stop taking classes and once a woman has danced with them a few times, their entire repertoire is known.  By periodically learning a few new moves or steps a leader will keep experienced dancers intrigued and interested.  I relish dancing with men who are never boring, because they always have something fresh they’re trying on the floor.

#5  Groom yourself. 

A man should be clean, neat and appropriately dressed for a woman to want to dance with him.  Body odor can be a real problem for some men.  Make sure to use deoderant and to have clean hair, hands, fingernails and the like.  Brush your teath and use breath freshener.
Alcoholic or smokers’ breath is a turn-off for women who like to dance. Hair should be neatly combed and a man should shave or trim his facial hair before dancing.  After shave/cologne can be overpowering in a club, so avoid it for dancing.  A lot of greasy hair products can also be off-putting.  Clothes should be clean, fit well and be neatly pressed.  Shoes should be polished.
Natural fibers absorb moisture better than synthetics and feel better to the touch.   If you sweat a lot, take extra shirts and change into them as needed.  It’s not fun to dance with someone who is soaking wet with sweat. Flashy jewelry, tank tops, sneakers, t-shirts are not usually appropriate dance apparel.

#6  Learn to talk and dance at the same time.

What a concept!  Dancing is a social activity.  If you are doing a dance that is slow enough to allow for some conversation, by all means talk to your partner.  A running conversation may not be advisable while trying to dance with someone new, but introducing yourself and exchanging a few words–a compliment about dance ability, a question about where one likes to dance, etc., indicate that you have a personality.  And if you see this person at a future time, it is that much easier to ask them to dance again.  Women like good dancers but they like men with some personality too. The “silent dancer” who never speaks a word an be off-putting for many of us.

#7  Smile.

Dancing should be enjoyable.  Too many dancers never smile or indicate they are enjoying themselves.  A partner can feel positive (and negative) energy from you!  A bit of smiling indicates you are having a good time.  On the other hand, a fixed smile or staring at someone with a goofy grin on your face can be a total turnoff.  Smile when the feeling moves you, when you catch your partner’s eye, as it feels natural.

#8  Dance with different types of dancers.

Some men are extremely selective about whom they dance with.  Others take pains to dance with many different women, of all sizes, shapes, ages and abilities.  When I see a good, attractive dancer asking an older woman, or a less advanced dancer to dance I think more highly of him than of one who will only dance with the hottest, sexiest woman on the floor and who looks right through other women.

#9  Don’t try to dance to a dance you don’t know.

A lot of salsa dancers know no cha cha or rumba or ballroom dances.  Some of them try to fudge it by asking a woman to dance to a cha cha and then doing salsa moves.  Women want to dance with someone who knows the dance and can lead it .  It’s very frustrating to dance a cha cha with a man who has no clue how to dance cha cha.  Either get some lessons in cha cha or sit out the dance, but don’t put a woman through the frustration of dancing with you when you don’t know what to do.

#10  Do the asking.

Some male dancers seem to be lazy or stuck up. They wait for women to ask them to dance instead of asking the women.  While there’s nothing wrong with taking a break while dancing and having a woman ask you to dance occasionally, the general etiquette calls for men to ask women to dance. Don’t make it more complicated by playing “hard to get” and making women guess if you want to dance or not.  Either ask women to dance if you wish to dance, or stay off and away from the dance floor so women can tell you aren’t interested in dancing.

from Salsa Crazy

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